Teardrops
by Tijuana Pirate
Summary: Dark RenoElena piece. Set in-game near the end. Reno pov. "I don't know what they saw in me. Tseng once told me it's something in the eyes."
1. Teardrops

**Author's Notes**: Don't ask me, I don't know what it is. I blame Cendrillo with her dialogue that makes images without trying. If Reno sounds strange in this, he's pretty feverish for most of it.

I find first person point of view is tough to write. Comments would be much appreciated.

Formatting is still strange on this site. I use --- to indicate a change in time

* * *

Teardrops

There's something in the air, something alive and breathing and invigorating. I can feel it in every part of me. It's written in the lines on her skin. I can taste it in her sweat. That's why I do it; because it lets me feel.

---

"You know Reno, one day you're gonna wake up and find a woman beside you that's not going to leave you in the morning."

"I doubt it."

---

Gone again. There's only one more thing left to do. Grad the bottle, uncork, pour. If I must be cold then I will be numb.

---

"Reno you can't just stand there. You can't just..."

"Why not?"

"Because I know you damn it! I know – you know it's not that simple."

It's always been easier to walk away.

---

Just run with it, roll with it. Smile a little and laugh along. Sickeningly easy.

---

There's blood rolling down the tip of my finger. I can feel it. Blood like teardrops against the pavement. She holds me up.

"God damn it Reno, you can never stay out of trouble."

I'm cold.

"Damn it Reno. I'm not letting you die. It's not that easy."

"Please..."

---

It never was that easy. I never believed it would be. But sometimes when you're that close to letting go, it gets harder and harder. I tried, believe me I tried.

---

Blood and black. I can't see. I can hear myself breathing. I feel like I'm fading but you're holding me and for some reason I can't let go.

---

You frighten me sometimes, you know that?

---

Warm, so warm around me. I try to move and I can't. Panic. Never liked closed places. Never could stand being confined. I can't find my way out, I...

"Hey, easy Reno. It's okay, it's okay."

Hands against my face, cool against my skin. Blurred vision but I know you.

"'Lena?"

"It's okay Reno."

Smiling, you're smiling.

"Where...?"

"In a hospital."

"How...?"

A little laugh.

"God, I thought you knew me better than that, Reno. You didn't think I'd give up, did you?"

Laughter like papers crumbling.

"Never that."

---

I didn't know that you were staying with me but I felt it went you woke me. The same dream. I feel like I'm drowning. The ocean's black around me, sucking my breath away. I can't breathe, I can't breathe...

Hands on my back.

"Reno, Reno calm down. It's okay. You have to breathe. It's okay..."

But I can't remember how.

The water's all around me and I can't...

Arms around me, holding me together. I can feel your heart beating 'Lena. You take a breath.

"Like this Reno. Breathe, breathe."

I can feel you moving against me, breathing for me.

"Breathe Reno."

Quick, shuddering gasps. Air trickles in. Your hand brushes my chest. I can still feel your heart.

"That's it Reno, breathe."

---

I wake up and the sun's shining in. The light dazzles my eyes.

"Oh, is it too bright for you Reno?"

I hear the curtains slide shut. There's a tiny sliver of light where the sunshine still creeps in. You walk back to the bed and sit in a chair. How long are you planning on staying with me 'Lena?

I must've said your name because you look at me, brown eyes drinking me in. I can't take it.

I try to move away but I'm stuck in this damn bed. You get up and come over, concerned.

"Reno, what's wrong?"

You'll never know. I promise you'll never know.

"... the light."

"Oh, sorry. But it's daytime out Reno. It's bound to be sunny."

Not always.

---

The water's cold. Its chill is seeping into me. I try to breathe and I can't. I try to breathe and...

"Reno!"

Hands on my face, my shoulders.

"Reno, damn it wake up!"

Air slams into me and I convulse on the bed, drinking it in. I gasp and I sputter. God, I hate being weak.

You put the glass to my lips. It's cold.

"Drink this."

It's ironic that I'm so thirsty. You smooth my hair and I'm almost annoyed at the contact but I'm too tired to care.

"Reno, what's wrong?"

Why do you keep asking? I swallow.

"Just a nightmare 'Lena. That's all."

It's dark enough that I can't see your reaction. That's good. I know you know I'm lying. The silence feels heavy.

Just believe me 'Lena. It'll be easier that way.

"Alright Reno."

Never wanted to hurt you. You know that, don't you?

---

Water. It's always water. I can't breathe, I can't...

I spring up in bed, coughing and spluttering. I can't breathe. I cough and I cough because I can still taste the salt water. It's sour like teardrops. I can't get it out of me.

Your hands are on me again. Why are you always here?

"Breathe Reno."

You sound weary. It's okay. One day I'll wake up and you won't be here.

"Reno, just breathe."

Eventually I can again and you surprise me by slumping against my back. Your cheek is pressed against me. I wonder if you can feel my heartbeat.

"You aren't going to tell me, are you?"

You don't really expect an answer, do you?

---

It's very quiet in the room and it's so dark that I can't see anything. That's strange. I have very good eyes. Lately I haven't been able to see much.

I don't like the silence.

"'Lena?"

You stir.

"Yes Reno?"

"You still here?"

A pause.

"Yeah, I'm still here."

---

It's always hardest at night because it's so dark. I was afraid of the dark when I was a kid. You could never tell what was there. Sounds were bigger, shadows scarier.

The water's dark too. Maybe that's why I can't breathe.

I gasp and struggle. Maybe this time will be the last time. Maybe finally...

Your hands are around me again. You hold my straining lungs together. You teach me to breathe again. Every night. Why are you still here?

Eventually, my breathing slows. Once again, I can breathe. It's still too dark. I can't see anything but I can feel you against my back and I don't have to be able to see.

You don't move away this time.

Something's wrong. I don't know what but I can feel it.

I hear you gasp and I know what it is.

Awkwardly, I try and turn around. I'm still caught up in these damn blankets. I have to half push, half wiggle my way out of them. You draw away from me and let me free myself. I can finally face you but you aren't looking at me. Maybe you're hoping that it's dark enough that I won't see. Bad luck for you 'Lena because I've always had good eyes.

I sit there looking at you for a moment, unsure of what to do. A part of me remembers your hands around me, holding me together. Tentatively, I move forward. You lean into me.

I can't remember the last time that I just held a woman.

You're crying now. I can feel your tears melting into me. Great gasping sobs are tearing you apart. Oh, I'm so sorry 'Lena. I'm so sorry.

I put my hand on your head and you bury your face into my collarbone. Your tears slide down my chest. You're shaking and sobbing. I hold you closer.

I never wanted to hurt you.

I whisper in your ear the things you want to hear. I tell you that it's okay, that everything's going to be all right, but I know you don't believe me. You just cry.

You know the truth. I know you do. I can't help what I am, 'Lena. You shouldn't cry for broken things.

You held me when I was dieing, every night. Somehow you made me wake up and see the morning. You hold me when I can't breathe, when my life's slipping away.

So I hold you when you cry. It's killing me but I'll live for you. I know you don't want to see anyone else die.

Your tears fall like blood off my fingertips.


	2. Don't let go

**Author's Notes**: My stories never seem to die. Teardrops was supposed to be a stand-alone fic but now I have 3 more chapters of it. This chapter is set a few months after the events in the first and is close to the end of the game. The italicized parts are flashbacks. The first paragraph is a flashback that takes place a few months before this story. The second is much further back. Ten points to whoever can guess what Elena's doing in the first paragraph and _why_.

I should be able to post the next chapter of this story, Interlude, tomorrow if everything goes well.

One last point. As always, this fic is rated for a reason. If that bothers you, I suggest you don't continue reading.

* * *

"Soft sweat, sugar on the asphalt. Our hearts, littering the topsoil. Tune in so we can make the last call. Our lives our call." 

Bleed American, Jimmy Eat World.

* * *

Don't let go

_--- _

The knife makes a trail of blood across my arm. Thin, precise, a tiny teardrop of blood trickling down. I gasp a little and watch the red water flow.  
_  
---_

You press your lips to the silver scar on my arm. You at least can understand pain. I brush my trembling fingers against the scars on your cheeks. I only ever did it the one time. Just a little distraction from the moment. Maybe this could be a distraction. Maybe…

Soft breath against my lips. I can feel you tremble. I tell myself it's nothing. Your fingers slide against my skin. I feel my blouse slip away. It's nothing…

Your lips touch the smooth curve of my stomach. There's a scar there but I can't remember it. You kiss me softly. It doesn't have to mean anything.

I can't help myself. I trail my fingers in your hair and kiss you. I feel something wet slide down my cheek. It's just sweat, I swear. I'm not trembling…

If there was anything in this world worth holding onto, I've never known it. No, that's not true. There was one thing.

I'm so cold now, Reno… Sometimes I dream of being totally numb. My lips are blue and my hands are ice. I stare at myself in a mirror and see the black beneath my eyes. I know that I'm dead but I just can't stop breathing. My breath comes out in tiny gasps and freezes in the air. I cry and the tears freeze on my skin. Sometimes I'll cut myself just to see if I can still bleed and the blood flows so thick it's black, black like the ink under my eyes. The blood flows up from my wrists and covers my arms. I know it should be hot but it chills me, chills me so deep that I can't even remember being warm. It crawls up my body and inches up my neck until I can feel myself panicking. I try to struggle but the blood holds me too strongly. I try to scream and it falls into my mouth until I'm choking on the black blood and all I can taste is that salty, metallic texture and then I'm drowning, drowning in blood. I try to scream and all that comes out is a gurgle. I try to scream and…

Your hands caress my cheeks. Your fingers are so warm that I can't help but shiver. You kiss me and I tremble. I'm melting Reno. You kiss me again and whisper something I don't hear. There's something sliding down my cheeks and your fingers catch it as it falls. I kiss your hands, your cheeks, your lips. I feel you tremble.

Can't we just go back to the way we were before? There was a time when we were happy, I think. I think I remember being happy. It feels like a long time ago, doesn't it?

It's all coming to an end. You feel it, don't you? Maybe that's why we can let go. I promise I won't tell anyone. You can be weak, too, can't you? I think he knew that too. He always was the strong one. I never thought he'd be the first to go… Gods, I…

Fingertips playing against the skin on my thighs. One of us is moaning but I can't tell who. I feel the lines between us blur. There's a haze between us.

I don't want it to change. Let's go back to the way we were.

---

_Hey Reno, if you could go anywhere, where would you go?_

_What, just anywhere?_

_Sure, anywhere. Where would you go?_

_I dunno…_

_I don't believe yoooou._

_Heh, 'Lena, stop it, that tickles. _

You know you like it.

_No I don't._

_Yes you dooo._

_Heh, you're drunk._

_No I'm not._

_Yes you are. I can tell._

_Okay, maybe a little…_

…_Elena? What are you doing?_

_Is this… bad? _

Don't.

Don't what?

_Don't do that. _

Why?

Because you'll regret it.

Do you think so?

_---_

A gasp escapes my lips and then a moan… then a shiver then… then…

Lying beside you, I'm cold. I think you feel me tremble because you wrap your arms around me. You're cold now too. We both lie together, shivering and cold, trying so hard to keep each other warm. It's so pathetic I can't help myself. You brush you hands against my cheeks. Don't say anything. I can't help it. I'm weak; I always have been. You always told me that, remember? I guess I just never really realized how true it was.

---

_You know, you never answered my question. _

What question?

_You know, if you could go anywhere, where would you go?_

_Like, a vacation?_

_No, I mean, forever._

_Forever?_

_Ever and ever and ever._

_Ever and ever and ever?_

_Heh, you're a parrot._

_I'm not a parrot._

_Yes you are. You're a parrot._

_Then you're a parakeet._

_What's the difference?_

_I dunno._

_So…_

_So…?_

_Where would you go?_

_I dunno. I've never thought about it._

_Come on. Everyone's thought about it._

_I haven't._

_I don't belieeeeve you._

_Heh._

_Come on, tellll me. _

Will it make you shut up?

_Maybe._

_Maybe eh? _

---

You wrap your arms around me. There's comfort here and I didn't expect that. I try to cover my face in your arms but somehow you manage to lift my chin. Your eyes are overwhelming. I never realized, but you have tiny little flecks of silver in your irises. They're… beautiful.

--

_Please tell me?_

_Ug, why does it matter so much?_

_Dunno._

_Okay, you go first then._

_Me? Why? I don't wanna. I asked you first.  
__  
I'll tell you if you tell me._

_Promise? _

Yeah, sure.

You aren't… crossing your fingers or anything are you?

_What? No. … fine. Look. See?_

_Okay…If I could go anywhere… I'd go… go… to Cosmo Canyon._

_Cosmo Canyon? _

Yeah.

_Why?_

_… I dunno. They say the stars are really pretty there. It's so far from the City._

_Hmmm._

_… So?_

_Me?_

_Yeah you dummy._

_Hey, easy there 'Lena. You'll hurt my feelings._

_Oh! I'm sorry._

_Jeez, I was only joking._

_Hee, you're right… so?_

_Yeah… okay… if I could go anywhere… really anywhere… I'd go to… shit 'Lena, I dunno._

_Oh come ooon!_

_No seriously, I have no idea._

_You can't tell me you don't have dreams Reno. _

---

You have me captivated; I can't look away. Before, my eyes were closed and I couldn't see you. Now what I see in your eyes frightens me. I don't want to see that. Can't we just go back to the way we were? But we were never happy, were we? I move up and press my lips against you cheek, covering your scar. I feel you shiver. I never wanted to hurt you. You know that, don't you? Because I remember you in the hospital Reno. It was a long time ago but I still remember. I was a different person then but you're the one who's changed.

We're going to die… aren't we?

---

_…heh. _

No seriously. You must've thought about it at some point.

_… What's the point?_

_… What?_

_I mean, seriously Elena, what's the point? Another time, another place… it's bullshit._

_Reno… _

---

… You think we will, don't you.

---

_You know what. I'm sorry. Forget about it. Hey don't look at me like that, okay?_

_I'm sorry._

_No, shit Elena, don't feel sorry. It was just a stupid question._

_No, you're right Reno, it was a stupid question._

_It wasn't stupid. Just let me think about it for a minute, okay?_

_You don't have to…_

_No, it's okay. Let me think…if I could go anywhere…_

_Re-_

_Shh, I'm thinking._

_… Okay._

_Hmmm…_

_Heh, you don't have to overdo it so much._

_Hey, this is a matter of serious thought._

_Ha! You're never serious._

_I can be serious._

_I'm sure you can._

_Hey!_

_What, I was agreeing._

_That's why I'm suspicious…_

_The question…?_

_Oh yeah… okay… if I could go anywhere._

_Anywhere._

_Anywhere. Then I'd go… _

---

I don't want to die.

---

_If I could go anywhere…_

_Anywhere! _

Anywhere…

---

"Elena…"

---

_Then I'd go…_

_…?_

_… to Cosmo Canyon._

_What? Why? _

---

"Reno…"

---

_Because someone once told me that the stars are really pretty there._

_---_

Don't let go.


	3. Interlude

**Author's Notes: **Credit must go out to Jess Angel for this one. Originally, this was meant to be a drabble based on her line "It's been getting colder the past few nights." However, after I had written the piece I realized that it was _way_ too long to be even remotely drabble-ish and I remembered why I don't try to write drabbles in the first place. I decided to leave the piece alone to grow dust on my desktop. Later, after I had written Don't Let Go, I remembered this little not-quite-drabble, grabbed my red editing pen, and now I have three chapters. Joy.

If all goes well, the final chapter, Freedom, should be up tomorrow.

* * *

Interlude

I have a picture in my head of what my life should be. It's strange because I can see it all so clearly. I never had any doubt, any fear. Well, that's not true.

It's been getting colder the past few nights. There's snow falling down outside the window. Amazing that the snow's still white here. You'd think it would be grey. Or red.

Maybe red.

I can't help but think about it. I left you sleeping in the other room because I couldn't bring myself to stay. I never expected it but I don't think that you did either. I didn't mean to kiss you. I can't believe you didn't push me away. I was just so cold…

Isn't it enough when people just want to live their lives? Why can't we just have what we need? I never wanted to be anything more than I was...

I don't think that you could say the same.

I hear a rustle behind me but I don't need to turn. I know you.

You hesitate just for a moment before you wrap your arms around me. Can you feel me shiver? I don't know why you're still here.

I've never been honest with myself, something we have in common.

I turn against you and fade into your arms. You're warm, so warm. You press your lips to mine and I can feel you tremble. No excuses this time. I move away and rest against your shoulder. You draw me closer.

I'm scared Reno.

You stiffen against me and I realize that I've said my thought out loud. Oh God, I didn't mean to. Softly, hesitantly, your fingers snake up into my hair. You lean forwards and press your mouth to my ear and whisper. My eyes widen. It's the confession that breaks me.

Kiss me again. Oh please…

---

_I am too_.


	4. Freedom

Author's Notes: For this, I have to lay the blame at Cendrillo's feet once again. After reading the first chapter of this story, she asked me about all the water in Reno's nightmares. I told her truthfully that it was a metaphore. Reno was drowning. However, I also told her that it wasn't _exactly_ a metaphor because there probably could be some sort of a story behind the nightmares but I never imagined that I'd write it. Stupid of me, eh? So this one's for her.

* * *

Freedom

When I was eleven years old, a dealer locked me and my mom in a car and drove us into the ocean because my dad needed to be taught a lesson. He watched us go under. I remember him screaming but I couldn't hear him.

We were tied to our seats. I panicked. I don't know how I got out but I did. I tried to untie my mom's ropes but I couldn't. I remember… the glass cracked and then water rushed in. It… it filled up the car and I couldn't get the ropes undone. She… just looked at me.

I don't remember getting out. I just remember being in the ocean, alone. I wanted to go back to her but I was too scared of the water. I called her name over and over and over again but she never came.

They killed my dad too, eventually.

I wandered. The slums were a good place for someone like me. I was so angry. I joined Shinra because I wanted to get back at the bastards that had killed my parents and I knew I couldn't do it alone. I wanted to join the army but Shinra had a better idea for someone of my 'special talents'. I don't know what they saw in me. Tseng once told me it's something in the eyes.

I found the dealer a month later. He'd been in hiding for over a year after falling out with one of the larger cartels. He didn't even remember me but he begged for his life before the end.

I don't remember being angry… but there was a lot of blood.

You scare me 'Lena. I look at you… and I forget everything. I don't remember the names, the faces; it's just you. I've never been able to let it all go but sometimes, when I'm with you, I forget for a little while. It… terrifies me.

You don't know anything about me but I feel like you see me. It doesn't make any sense but I don't ever want to lose that feeling. Yeah, I'm scared 'Lena. I'm fucking running scared. But if it means I get to hold onto this a little bit longer then I will always fucking run to you.

I don't know how long we have left. It's all falling to pieces now. Soon there will be nothing left. But I will never leave you. I swear, I will never leave you. I have to tell you.

---

"'Lena…?"

You stir in my arms. You are very delicately, very intimately wrapped up around me. There's a warmth between us that I've never felt before and I don't ever want to lose it.

You open your eyes and suddenly my mouth goes dry. You're beautiful…

"…Yeah Reno?"

I think I'm smiling. Heh, I think I only ever really smile when I'm with you. There's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time…

Your smile widens and you kiss my lips softly. You bend forward and whisper something in my ear. My eyes widen and you giggle. I catch your lips with mine and then I'm losing myself again, losing myself in your lips, your smile, your eyes. I can still hear you laughing, laughing the entire time. It's a beautiful sound, a sound like freedom.

Elena…

I swear, I'll never let go.

* * *

_"Oh yeah we meet again, it's like we never left. Time in between was just a dream. Did we leave this place? This crazy fog surrounds me. You wrap your legs around me. All I can do is try and breathe. Let me breathe so that I, so we can go together! ... Life is like a shooting star; it don't matter who you are if you only run for cover it's just a waster of time. We are lost 'til we are found. This pheonix rises up from the ground and all these wars are over, over, over..." _

The Dolphin's Cry, Live.


End file.
